Lola Runs With Scissors

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Honey I shrunk my butt

*I'm writing this for those of you that are curious or interested in shrinking your own butt, as well as a reminder for me to get back on the wagon instead of under it with a Christmas cookie in each hand.*

The year I turned 43 I lost 43 pounds. It wasn't a New Year's resolution even though it started after the new year. I felt bad. That's what it was. Also I didn't recognize the person I saw in photos.

After a decade of feeling this way, the reason the extra weight came off remains a bit of a mystery because really it was easy. Sure my eating and activity habits changed, but I had done that previously and it never really worked before. I could say "Well, I joined Weight Watchers and that was the magic ticket". No. Not really. True any kind of diet journaling works for me and also true the WW points system is not as easy for me to fudge as calorie counts. The best I can tell the things that work for me are patience.........weight just does not just fall off and it involves more than putting the donut down.....and resolution. Not the the kind you make Dec. 31st, but the kind where a switch goes off in your head and you tell yourself it's time. I suspect that goes with any personal change. You do it when you are ready and not before.

My motivation: Mortality. Much different from previous attempts which were: To Be Skinny. I'm sure it started when my mother died from pancreatic cancer almost 4 years ago. Her diet was horrible. Her exercise non-existent. Her stress level high. I truly believe if all of this had been different she would still be around. Then in Oct. of 09 our friend Kelly died. Our very young friend. I had read his blogs for three years prior to know he had health problems and also his struggles with being more active and such. Though his health problems from birth actually made it miraculous he lived until his mid 30s, his death really affected me. Not in a way that I suddenly proclaimed My Intentions, but in a quiet decisive way. My feet and joints were already bothering me, if that wasn't enough of a motivation, well death certainly was.

I joined Weight Watchers January 7 last year. I'd always thought of it as for middle-aged overweight people. Then it dawned on me, Me= middle-aged overweight person. I am a total of 50 pounds lighter than I was on my 41st birthday (my heaviest ever, also the year I bought batteries for my scales....known as the Day of Rude Awakening and I lost 7 pounds that first year). As far as Weight Watchers goes, I will tell you that if you are ready to lose weight, it does indeed work. It is not a miracle though. It is not a diet. At best it is a training tool and the secret to success is YOU. You do the work. You figure it out. You do it with patience and perseverance. You never get to go back to your "old ways." I still remember hitting the 15 pound mark. 15 was my magic number.

Observations and lessons learned:

1. I've been to Panera once maybe twice this whole year. I used to go at least once a week for lunch. Always got a half turkey sandwich and potato soup. And ate the hell out of that extra baguette they give you. This year I still had my turkey sandwich but opted for the black bean soup. A few calories make a difference.

2. I can count on my hand the number of times I've been to Chik-fi-la. I've had a chicken sandwich and fries twice. Other times were salads and sometimes just lemonade. One breakfast stop in July, which I simply got fruit because I opted to eat toast at home instead of getting a chicken biscuit.

3. I eat dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is on of my devil foods. I try to avoid it because if I eat a little I want a LOT. I get the dark chocolate Ghirardelli squares and have one or two each day and they fit in fine with my diet.......diet being a word for the things I eat, not a weight loss word.

4. It's just as satisfying to eat smaller portions. I can go to get Thai food. I don't have to eat the whole thing. I don't have to eat 2 fried spring rolls. I can measure out my pasta and rice and it's plenty, or if I want to be a piggy I just budget for it. I still measure it out. If you eat smaller amounts for a while your stomach shrinks a bit and you don't have to eat so much.

5. I can have a cupcake, a piece of pie, chocolate truffles, Mexican food.......whatever.....I can eat it as long as I eat in in moderation and I don't eat it daily. I've not had a burger at a place like Chili's this whole year. It's just too much food and it's ridiculous really. BUT, if I really want something like that, I do know that eating it once isn't going to make me gain weight. Bottom line: I don't eat it unless I really really want it. The lemon filled donut that I had at 5am in the consuite at Chattacon still lingers in my mind as one of my best 2010 moments. Was it that good? probably not, probably stale even, but the timing was right and I really wanted it.

6. I love fruit. I love fruit to the point that Mike was ready to hold an intervention for my bing cherry problem back this spring.

7. I MUST exercise. I'm not talking running marathons or hours of weight training. It started with getting into the habit. I had to make myself develop the habit, so if I worked out 10 minutes for 3 days, it was a start and I counted it as a success. I get depressed if I don't exercise. And it's not always grueling or boring. 10 minutes of hula hooping to some really good music will get rid of 100 calories and it's fun. 2 hours of housework, while being NOT fun, is still exercise and still counts. And is necessary. (I'll work on not being a slob later).

8. A workout partner is golden. I don't know I would have gotten this far without mine. She will also join me in the cookie withdrawal to come in the next few weeks.

And I'm not done still.

1. I still am 20 pounds from my goal weight. I'll get there. Might take a year. Who knows. And I'll still be at least 20 pounds heavier than society thinks I should be. I don't really care. Healthy is the goal. I once had a nurse whisper "140" at the dr. office like it was the end of the world. 140. Do you know what 140 looks like with the right combo of muscle tone? Built like a proverbial brick shithouse is what it looks like! *smack* Society is stupid. Most people are ignorant. I've almost taught myself. This leads to goal 2.......

2. Acceptance. I more than likely will always see a fat girl in the mirror unless I change what's not on my hips but what's in my mind. I know this. I will work on this. I will work on not picking apart my physical body. If I allow it, my mind will never see me as thin enough. That's right up there with the ridiculousness of the Chili's burger. I will focus on how well my body enables me to to do the things I want to do. Not on how it looks in spandex.

3. Eat my veggies. I try. I need to try harder. If you think about it, getting the proper nutrition your body needs is so difficult and so many of us just don't do it.

4. cut back on the Diet Coke consumption. I was off of it for a few years but that's when I started drinking regular cokes. FAIL. along the same lines I could stand to cut back on the sugar more.

5. Strength training. I need to focus less on calorie burning on more on flexibility and strength. You know, for when the zombies attack.

6. I need to smile more and live more in the moment. I put that one there just because it's generally good advice.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Painting rocks is best left to cavemen

but I like the results. Before picture is at the bottom (not digging the whole blogger thing).

This is after painting it. Color is Clivenden Sandstone by Valspar.

It's beyond me why someone would paint rocks the color of gravel. Leave it alone people. Perhaps it was to go with the awful blood red walls that were in here (this is the before picture).

Monday, May 11, 2009

If I designed furniture

I'd probably do something like this

Prickly pair chairs designed by Valentina Gonzalez Wohlers

http://Prickly pair chairs designed by Valentina Gonzalez Wohlers

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A tree for Mom

It's my third Mother's Day without a mom to call or send a card to. It still bothers me. I'd almost rather just pretend it wasn't any kind of special day. Her grave is a couple hours away or so and I've been there only once and that was on her birthday that year she died. Surprisingly I felt nothing, but then only her body is there. It didn't help that my stepfather had yet to place a stone on her grave and 6 months had passed.

I've wanted to plant a tree for her in my own yard as a memorial. Somewhere I could go and feel close to her even it it was just in my imagination. I thought a weeping willow would be perfect. When I was probably 3 or 4 she and I would sing Song Sung Blue. She loved Neil Diamond. Sometimes she'd record herself playing the piano and I would come into the room and there would be a little tiff between us, me wanting to go out with one yellow sock and one white sock(you look like a clown!!) or throwing a fit because I didn't want to wear my coat to go outside. Somewhere in her things are these tapes. Somewhere there's a recording of us singing Song Sung Blue. Both of us surely have done our share of Weeping like a Willow in our lives.

Her life always struck me as sad. I even had to ask my sister-in-law at the time (who was with her daily) if she was ever truly happy. When someone spends 30 years of their life with someone who drives everyone that cares away and makes them miserable on a daily basis, you have to ask yourself if they were ever happy. She always struck me as a weeping willow.

This morning I woke up rather weepy feeling myself. Hearing about what everyone else is doing with their moms today made me miss her. I thought going out and doing a little gardening would help. Dig some dirt. Clear some weeds.

I started pulling the weeds and grass out of the bed where I planted sunflowers last year and right there in the middle of the bed against the fence was an oak seedling. It got me thinking that perhaps this was her tree. Perhaps she was really an oak. Oak trees hold on to their brown leaves relentlessly in the fall and winter. How hard it must have been for her to let go of this life. She must have hung on to her circumstances that I saw as misery for for so long for her own reasons that I'll never understand. The oak is strong and resilient by no means weak or delicate. Perhaps it grows there to make me remind me that she was stronger than I gave her credit for. I think she and I both underestimated how strong the other really was and spent too much time trying to protect each other.

I hope someday I can sit under the shade of that oak tree and remember her how she should be remembered. Happy Mother's Day Momma.

(Aaron if you are reading this, I really would like to have those tapes)